Observations — Notes To Casting Directors Everywhere

I have fond memories of actor Raymond Burr before he became the title character in the legendary TV series, “Perry Mason.’ Prior to that juggernaut, in 1940’s movies primarily, Burr was often cast as the “heavy,” largely because he was.  Also because he was a fine actor and could pull it off despite the fact that, in private, he was a kind, gentle soul and generous philanthropist.

Raymond Burr

Chris Christie

Thinking about this, I wondered who could take his place. Who could pull off the stock “bully" character on screen? It was obvious to me immediately that New Jersey Governor Chris Christie was perfect for the role, and acting is second nature for most politicians, if acting is even required in Christie’s case.  Once that came to me I realized many of our politicians might have a second lives as actors or visa versa, as did Ronald Reagan. Though it was pretty much the exact same thing in his case.

So I started thinking of other prominent politicians and what kind of characters they might play.

For example, if they bring back “Gomer Pyle” featuring Gomer as an aging misogynist, Mike Huckabee could have a lucrative second career.

If they ever remake Deliverance, Rand Paul might want to audition.  He seems to have the same worldview. And the pious Rick Santorum could be cast as a mayor of any city that outlaws dancing.

Aaron Schock, R, Illinois

Paul Ryan, R, Wisconsin

However, we might have to get innovative if we want to expand the casting opportunities to accommodate aging politicians. I’m proposing a new sitcom, ”Golden Boys,” about a gay senior center, starring Senator John McCain and his bff, Senator Lindsay Graham.  In the first episode Illinois Congressman Aaron Schock plays a visiting Midwestern go-go boy who helps the boys celebrate a birthday. Hilarity ensues.  In the second episode, Wisconsin Congressman Paul Ryan deftly portrays a sexy, flirty Midwestern fitness instructor to get the old boys in shape. Hilarity ensues again.  Senator Orrin Hatch makes a guest appearance to teach The Golden Boys how to sing and attempts to produce a septuagenarian version of “Glee.” Watch for the spin off.  Vladimir Putin is rumored to take Donald Trump’s place on “The Apprentice,” with losers spending the rest of their lives in Gulags. However, others say, based on the success of Mike Pence, Putin may move to southern Indiana and run for governor, using the slogan, ”I don’t like gay people either.”  He revives the hit single, “I’m too sexy For My Shirt” as the reality show’s theme song, or if that fails, his campaign theme.

Film Pairings — Before They Were TV Stars

Ann Sothern was “My Secretary” and starred in another popular sitcom called the “Ann Sothern Show.” Raymond Burr was “Perry Mason” and, later, “Ironside.” Lucille Ball was Lucy in the classic “I Love Lucy,” which is still in endless reruns and William Bendix was dad in an early TV show “Life of Riley.” But before television capped their careers (Ball and Burr probably couldn’t have outdone or escaped their iconic television characters), these small-screen legends were stars (lesser perhaps) on the big screen. TV’s crazy comic Lucy, was a vamp in The Dark Corner. We see lots of leg. And Burr, the upstanding Perry Mason (though Mason wasn’t quite so upstanding in the novels), was the heavy in The Blue Gardenia.

With this double feature, we are revisiting directors Henry Waxman and Fritz Lang (See Kiss of Death and The Big Heat — The Birth of Two Villains). The Dark Corner is the story of a private eye (Mark Stevens) who is trying to go straight after a stint in prison. However his shady past makes him the perfect fall guy for a murder someone else commits. William Bendix, TV’s lovable comic dad, plays an even shadier private eye and Clifton Webb is the sophisticated (witty, what else?) art dealer with a clever plan to get rid of his younger wife’s lover. The plot has enough twists and turns and talented supporting players to make this a very worthwhile film. Lucille Ball plays the secretary to the reformed P.I. and is, in fact, his backbone. There was a comic turn in her fine performance now and then, but not the broad comedy she would show the world later.

At roughly the same time Lucille Ball was making the move from film to TV, the lovely, more cynical Ann Sothern did the same, also with considerable success. Before that, she had a successful career playing the pals of the ingénues (Anne Baxter in this case). Raymond Burr in Fritz Lang’s The Blue Gardenia, is the believable womanizer and murder victim. He plies the sweet and innocent Baxter with Polynesian Pearl Divers, an umbrella’d drink of super potency. She goes home with Burr and blacks out. When Burr ends up dead, all signs point to Baxter as the murderer. Even she believes it might be true. She seeks help from newspaper columnist Richard Conte. The story isn’t as strong as The Dark Corner, but it’s a lot of fun just the same. The music is by Nelson Riddle. Nat “King” Cole has a gig in the nightclub, The Blue Gardenia. Even Superman (George Reeves) makes an appearance in the film — as the main cop. No cape. No tights.

My recommendation for the evening is to sip a bit of fine rum during the first film and then go all island with fancy rum drinks with the second. Look up such tacky Tiki rum drinks as The Virgin’s Lament or the Missionary’s Downfall. Don’t drive. Don’t commit murder.